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Dating After disunion - Even Today, Men Still Enjoy the Chase

This article might seem shocking and archaic, but it's all true. The other night I had supper with my husband and two of his single male friends (Ben and Jack) who launched into a tirade about dating today. These good-looking, 40 something, self-employed bachelors are frustrated with trying to find a decent woman. I couldn't believe it.

The Problem?
Ben and Jack think women today act desperate. Of course I asked for specifics - what does desperate look like? Turns out it boils down to two very basic and rather former concepts:

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1) Men don't want women to chase them
2) Men don't like when "the chase" is too easy

Dating After disunion - Even Today, Men Still Enjoy the Chase

Dating is an aged Mating Ritual
What? How can this be in an age of equality in the middle of the sexes? It's assuredly very uncomplicated - dating harkens back to aged mating rituals that have not gone away, nor been modified as much as women would hope.

Dating Guidelines from the "Fellas"

According to Ben, Jack and others, here are some guidelines that women might try following if they want to be perceived as "quality prospects" while your first encounters with men:

1) With online dating, don't kick off a flood of emails. Some women email many times a day which makes them appear demanding, needy, or high maintenance. Frequent touch can cause him to feel crowded. Initially, let men set the pace.

2) Don't Call to Say Hi, Check in, or examine Why He hasn't Called. This is seen as pushy and desperate. If you don't like the slow pace, possibly the guy isn't the right one for you. If you feel compelled to call when you haven't heard from him, don't make more than one light-hearted and kindly call. That's it. Either he'll pick up the ball or not, but leave that ball in his court.

3) As horrible as this old saying is, "There's no hypothesize to buy the cow if the milk is free." The double-standard is still alive! While all men don't feel this way, it's pretty hard to know who does and who doesn't before it's too late. The best course of performance is to hold off on intimacy to insure you'll get the respect you want and deserve.

The Chase Remains leading and Desirable

Most men still prefer to pursue women while the first phase of dating. They want to chase and win you over, rather than feel like you're a push over. It's not about playing assuredly hard to get. It is about not being too ready or overly enthusiastic. uncomplicated human nature creates the desire to want what isn't effortlessly ready and without this tension, there's nothing to "conquer."

If you think about it, women feel the same way. My female clients complain all the time about men who are "too nice," clingy, or come on too strong. Or think about all the women who love "bad boys;" men who are unavailable or unattainable. This is the flip side of the very same coin, so to speak.

My end about Ben and Jack's perspective on dating is this: For best or worse, the Dating Game is still in play. You can deny it or fight against it if you want. But that won't convert the cold, hard facts from most men's perspective.

You're Best Bet is to Play the Game

Instead of chasing man and risking the appearance of desperation, use your feminine charm to draw a man in. Let him know and see why you're a great catch.

Demonstrate your delightful character by being fun to be with and seeing your best. Flirt with him, flatter and praise him (but keep it genuine please), and show appreciation by thanking him. And, let him lead the way for at least the first 4-8 dates. It may be "old school" but there's no arguing with what has worked well for eons and still works today. Try following this plan and examine how well it can work for you too. Chances are, you'll be pleasantly surprised.

Dating After disunion - Even Today, Men Still Enjoy the ChaseHorseshoe Crabs Tube. Duration : 0.47 Mins.

Horseshoe Crabs moving on the shores of the Navasink River

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Reeds beach in Cape May County NJ is where the birds returning from South America feast on the mating Horse shoe crabs in late Spring. the beach is closed also for nesting birds. This was taken from the deck of a beach front cottage.

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Did you know that Horseshoe Crabs despite it's name are not closely related to crabs? They have blue blood because their blood is based on copper instead of iron. And they do not have mandibles on their mouth.

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The Shorebirds of Delaware Bay

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Staff writer Abigail Tucker recounts the scene of a beach littered with horseshoe crabs and a sky filled with red knots. Read more at www.smithsonianmag.com

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Dating Over 40 - If It's the Right Relationship, Shouldn't it Flow Smoothly?

Leslie, an attractive, divorced redhead in her late 30's was having issue meeting ability men. She started dating coaching with me and within four weeks she met not one, but two beyond doubt good prospects. Jeff and Sam were both very nice men who met much of her "Mr. Right" criteria.

Time to Choose

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After some weeks, Leslie felt it was time to make a choice. She was more attracted to Jeff and felt a warm relationship to this sweet man with whom she had a lot in common. While she did have some concerns, compared to Sam who traveled a lot, Jeff seemed like the great match.

Dating Over 40 - If It's the Right Relationship, Shouldn't it Flow Smoothly?

The American Horseshoe Crab Best

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The American Horseshoe Crab Overview

The American horseshoe crab that comes ashore on the East Coast in vast numbers to mate and nest is much the same creature that haunted the coast before the time of the dinosaurs. It is among the world's most intensely studied marine invertebrates, critical to our understanding of many groups of organisms, both modern and extinct, and crucial to the ecology of large estuaries such as the Delaware Bay. Some stocks of this great survivor, whose ancestors made it through the mass extinction some 286 million years ago, have been severely depleted today because of overfishing and habitat destruction.

Carl N. Shuster, Jr., H. Jane Brockmann, and Robert B. Barlow are at the forefront of research on Limulus polyphemus, and in this book they bring together twenty scientists who have worked on all aspects of horseshoe crab biology to compile the first fully detailed, comprehensive view of the species. An indispensable resource, the volume describes the horseshoe crab's behavior, natural history, and ecology; its anatomy, physiology, distribution, development, and life cycle; the puzzle of its immune system; and its present management and future conservation.

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She decided to broach the subject of dating others with Jeff and find out what his expectations were. Jeff had taken down his Match profile, but Leslie wasn't sure about whatever else.

The Talk

Leslie handled bringing up the subject brilliantly, asking Jeff if he thought they should continue looking others. She admitted she was dating Sam who had let her know up front that he only dated one woman at a time. Jeff stated that he didn't want to date whatever else and wasn't thrilled that Leslie was. But he also wasn't ready to for a serious relationship. Yet, he was visibly shaken by the conversation and perplexed about how to proceed.

Leslie was understanding, but said if the timing wasn't right, possibly she should move on to find someone who was ready. This wasn't an easy conversation for Leslie, but she felt very firm in her desire to find a man who was relationship ready. Jeff asked for two weeks to get clear and they parted amicably, agreeing to discuss this further.

His Response

The next day, Jeff emailed Leslie (he called first and left a message) admitting that he cared for her deeply which is something he hadn't planned on. He had hoped they would date casually. But the idea of her looking someone else helped crystallize his feelings. He had been confused about love from his marriage and post-divorce dating and acknowledged that he ordinarily responded gently to emotional matters.

Next, he went into a romantic record of why he liked her and ended up with a tear-jerking pronouncement of his love for Leslie. (My eyes welled up to as I read the email Leslie forwarded!)

Leslie felt uncertain about what to do. She felt that love should flow more beyond doubt and was implicated that this seemed to be too difficult. Here's my perspective on their exchange:

The Good News

It seems to me that Jeff bared his soul to Leslie, telling her how he feels and giving her important clues about how he makes decisions and reacts to things.

Should things go more smoothly in the middle of population if it's the right relationship? What in life goes smoothly? Once you've been married and maybe even children are involved, there is baggage which takes time to work through. It's just a fact of life.

But, here's the good news - Jeff was pretty quick to come around compared to how he thinks of himself. He may hate to convert course, but he did it Fast. After all, he only took One day.

My bet is Jeff didn't beyond doubt believe he'd find someone like Leslie. After "The Talk" and his discovery about competition, he had to re-evaluate his plan or risk losing her.

Deepening the Relationship

I am also a firm believer that situations like this develop a relationship or break it apart. This is the "first bump in the road." Bumps are important to move a relationship to deeper levels of intimacy.

Of course, Jeff still bears observing and data gathering. But Leslie has now entered the exclusivity stage, enabling her to test their long-term relationship potential. Congratulations to Leslie for standing strong for what she wants, getting through the "first bump" and captivating send to looking the love she wants!

Dating Over 40 - If It's the Right Relationship, Shouldn't it Flow Smoothly?Horseshoe crab in Sandy Hook, NJ Video Clips. Duration : 3.43 Mins.

Tim, Yifan, and I found a live horseshoe crab on our day trip to Sandy Hook, NJ in March. We played with it for a bit before letting it go in the ocean. We're not sure why it came to the shore. We think it might have been looking for a mate or laying eggs.

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